Equal Souls

You can't turn around these days without hearing some older person complain about "kids today" and their lack of respect. It's true, there are so many examples out there of some kid mouthing off, or making a rude gesture, or just not respecting others' property. Heck, if we can't get kids today to even pull up their pants, what hope do we have of making them do anything else?

Of course, as parents, we all want to teach our kids respect. But I submit, respectively of course, that respect is a two-way street, and if we want to teach our kids to respect others we, in turn, should respect them too. By respect, I mean, in essence, value them, listen to them, give them responsibilties, then belive in their abilities.

How many times have you been in Wal-Mart or Target or the grocery store and seen some exasperated mom yelling at her kids, or dragging them along barking "Hurry UP!" or threatening some horrible consequence (that you KNOW she can't follow up on)if they don't stop driving her crazy? How many dads have you heard threatening to "slap the taste out of mouths" or "blister butts"? I've heard WAY too much, enough to make me want to say, "Enough!" Think those same people would DARE talk to another adult that way? What makes it okay to talk to kids that way?

First, before you defend your use of your belt, let me say this: I'm not saying we shouldn't discipline our children. There is a time and a place (not Wal-Mart, please), when you just have to get their attention. If you normally don't yell, and suddenly you raise your voice, then THIS gets attention. But if all our kids hear is yelling, then they just tune us out.

Here are some thoughts I've had recently, and strategies I'm trying to use with those little creatures in my house:

1. My child and I are equal in the eyes of the Lord. My soul is no more important to God than those of my children...I should remember that and treat them accordingly.

2. The only differences between adult and child are size, experience, and knowledge. All three of these are temporary.

3. I read recently that we should guide our children, guide then step aside. This means, that yes, we are here to guide them, to teach them, to model for them good behavior. Then we should step aside and let them fly. If our children never mess up, if we constantly rescue them from their mistakes, if we get frustrated and fall back on that matyr-mom attitude (I'll just do it, I do everything anyway around here), then what are we teaching them? My kids are so much more competent than I give them credit for. Granted, Kiefer is now fired from "soap," since he put the WHOLE box of detergent in the laundry one day. Can you say rinse and repeat? But he can do other things...think an eight-year-old can't vacuum? He can! In fact, he's great at it! My dad grew up on a farm, and was up doing chores like feeding the pigs and chickens before school. Somewhere in the last generation, we've forgotten that kids can be responsible. Is that their fault, or ours?

4. I want my kids to have an internal voice, a sense inside themselves of what is right and what is wrong, a moral compass. If I don't teach them how to recognize this internal voice, then they will fall prey to all kinds of external pressures/rewards. We all wonder why some kids fall victim to peer pressure and some stand strong in their beliefs and convictions. I want my kids to know for themselves what they believe, and why. I don't want them to just spout out MY beliefs. Or anyone else's for that matter.

5. I need to shut up. If I'm constantly nagging, yelling, over-explaining, then how can I expect my kids to hear their inner voice? I tried this yesterday. Instead of my usual, "Why can't you pick up this mess, your room is a pig-sty" routine, I simply said, "Savannah, clothes." She replied, "I know, I was just about to hang those up, got it." Wow, what a difference.

I think maybe it all does come down to respect. Respect for our elders, yes, but also respect for our children, respect for our planet, respect for our fellow man. Maybe before pointing fingers at just our children, we should point a few at ourselves. (Now, that pants-on-the-ground thing, I don't know WHAT we're gonna do about that!)