Old Friends

Inside my brain lies all the motivation I need. All the creativity, the ideas, the sparks that turn into ideas, tons of gumption. It's all there, but just like a pipe that sometimes gets clogged, sometimes my brain has trouble filtering itself and pumping out the stuff I need at the precise moment I need it. That ever happen to you? It seems that sometime or other, we all need a little jolt to get those juices flowing.

I got that much-needed jolt today. A friend of mine stopped by to see me. I saw her when she got out of her truck and just thought "yay!" I have to admit, I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about life, about career-choices, about kids, about aging. Maybe it's that this year is the 25th anniversary of my high school graduation. Maybe it's turning 43 this summer. Maybe that my baby girl started high school a few weeks ago. Could be, all of the above. Whatever the cause, I have been thinking about choices I've made, roads not taken. I told this all to my friend.

Before I had children, I taught ballroom dance...and loved every second of it. I loved the travel, the competitions, the dresses, the music, the people. I loved that I had such a cool career. And for awhile there, I was making darned good money. But then kids came along, and schedules conflicted...they needed me so I was there. I gave up teaching and settled in to my new role as stay-at-home mom.

I became super-mom, totally submersing myself into the lives of my children, and though I wouldn't trade one minute, I lost me a bit. (Plus, I fell in love with Steve on Blue's Clues...sad, I know, but I really felt like I KNEW him, I saw him so much!) So, owning a business now is fun. It's mine, something just for me, by me, and I get to be creative, have the kids in the store with me when I choose, and set my own hours (to a certain extent). But I have to admit, lately I've been feeling a bit small. I've ran into people from school recently and it seems like everyone has such a big, important job. I don't. I look around at luxury cars zooming past me, and I keep chugging in the chocolate van. Chad and I go to dinner parties at friends' homes, these beautiful big homes, and then go home to our little townhouse. Sometimes I just feel small.

So today, my friend and I talked about school and reunions, where others are, where we are now in our lives. I confessed that sometimes I feel like I should be doing more, that I should be farther along than I am...after all, my life is half-over it seems. But my wise friend made me see that I am right where I need to be, that this little shop makes me happy, that having a place where the kids can join me after school is priceless, that having the freedom to close up and go to one of the kids' ballgames or see my grandma is a freedom few have. No, we don't have a huge house, and I'll probably never drive a mercedes (where would I paint the lollipops?), but I love what I do and that is just as important. And, of course, I knew all that, but having someone remind you is so helpful when you're stuck. Gotta love a friend who has remained your friend almost your whole life, who knew where you came from, where you've been, where you are now, and helps you get to where you're going to next. In Italy, there's a saying, "chi trova un amico trova un tesoro." He who finds a friend finds a treasure. Thanks Burke.