The gift and the giving

When I logged on today to write this, I realized my last post was dated November. December's such a blur, isn't it? So hurried, so rushed, a big sliding board ride from Thanksgiving to Christmas, with no way to slow it down! Nothing to do but throw your hands up above your head and enjoy the ride.

And I am enjoying the ride this year, I really am, but today I am a bit sad. My kids are on a plane right now going to Memphis to visit with their dad's family and this will be the first Christmas since they were born that I have spent away from them. I have gone from humming "Holly Jolly Christmas" to "Blue Christmas." And, of course, I have been reflecting.

Christmas is a time of giving...we all know that...but it doesn't hurt anyone of us to be occasionally reminded of that small wondrous fact. To find examples of how to give, and how NOT to give, I need look no further than my own family. There are a few people in my family, not naming names, who never give presents. I don't know if they forget (although "forgetting" can't possibly be an excuse year after year after year!), or if they just don't care, or if they just weren't hugged enough as children. But whatever the reason, these certain someones always seem hurt if they don't GET presents but never GIVE presents. It's a weird paradox. And a bit hurtful. And a bit thoughtless. Now, before you jump on me about the economy and how times are tough, let me just say that excuse is hogwash. There is ALWAYS something you can give: your time, a small token, even a hand-written letter saying how much you mean to someone...there is always something you can give. It's not that I want a present; I just wish they would find joy in giving.

Changing gears to my wonderful parents, the best example I can think of, they are true givers. When I was growing up, my parents showed be time after time how to give. They were the first ones to step up to the plate, the first ones to dig deep into their pockets, the first to open our home to whomever needed a place to stay. And now, they are older, and in their words, "really don't need anything." My dad told me last year at Christmas, that all they ever wanted was to live to see my brother and me happy and set and to spoil thier grandchildren. "We are there," he told me. "We are there."

So, instead of giving each other gifts, my mom and dad for the past few years have been giving each other $100. The catch is...they must each go out and help someone with that money, then report back to the other person. Who they helped and how is their gift to each other. $100 is not a huge amount, but sometimes $100 is huge. Sometimes $100 can turn your whole attitude around. Sometimes $100 can feed your family. Sometimes $100 can bring a struggling parent Christmas for their child. My mom and dad love doing this. They get excited like little kids. I know whomever is on the receiving end of their gift truly appreciates it, but words cannot decribe the joy my mom and dad get from giving. And what a good lesson to me and to my kids.

Speaking of my kids, they lost their grandfather this past fall. I knew at that moment, when I realized my ex-mother-in-law would be sad at Christmas, facing that first holiday without her husband, that my gift this year would be her grandchildren with her on Christmas. It didn't cost me any money, but this was a hard gift for me to give. Yes, I am sad, and yes I miss them already, and yes, I am tearing up even typing this, just thinking about them boarding that plane and saying, "Bye Mommy." But in about an hour or so, at the other end of that plane ride, there is going to be some sincere joy, and I will know that I had a hand in creating it.

I wish you all a very happy Christmas, and a very giving holiday season.